The ONLY Oscar Blogger, who lives in walking distance to the Kodak Theater!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Live Blogging: The Oscars!

8:57 a.m.: Made myself a pot of coffee. I'm ready to go!

9:00 a.m.: E! Countdown has begun. It should be a long day. A good long day though.

9:03 a.m.: E! is going to let us know what stars have baby bumps. That's exciting. Kim Kardashian is a celebrity style expert. Next to Miley Cyrus, I can't stand her. Annoying and overrated. Go make a sex tape with Reggie Bush. Get off the tv.

9:13 a.m.: E! just gave a quick Oscar checklist of what the average person should know about tonight. Nothing special said that wasn't already known.

9:17 a.m.: E! "expert" Ben Stone was just on. I miss the days of Tom O'Neil, and Joan and Melissa Rivers. Not going to lie. Stone makes a couple good points. Says Into the Wild got Best Picture shaft. Also says the Academy got sick of gangster films. Names American Gangster and Eastern Promises.

9:19 a.m.: E! gives quick retrospect of Best Picture directors and their rise. Boogie Nights clip! Bonus points!

9:31 a.m.: Not sure anyone cares, but Bourne won the Sound Editors Guild top prize last night. It beat Transformers (Oscar favorite). That may be a race to watch out for. E! just had a segment of what you should bring with you on the red carpet. Super glue? Who the hell would bring super glue?

9:39 a.m.: E! reminds us that they are not just celebrating art, but also fashion. And who better to give us advice than Kim Kardashian?

9:44 a.m.: There Will Be Blood feature. "The Story Behind the Story" as E! likes to call it. E! says that when the derrick burned it delayed production of No Country. I was under the impression that they didn't shoot at the same time in Marfa.

9:58 a.m.: E! says killing somebody is a good way to get Oscar attention. I believe they are talking about killing on the screen. Being sarcastic and playing somebody from real life are two other ways. Wow, I've been enlightened. Going to start writing that biopic of that sarcastic killer tomorrow. I knew it was a good idea.

10:03 a.m.: E! has informed us that the Atonement dress was voted best all time according to Sky Movies and British InStyle. The book was also named the 100 best all time according to Time. That's surprising.

10:07 a.m.: A look at early roles of today's stars. George Clooney in Return of the Killer Tomatoes! Josh Brolin in The Goonies! Johnny Depp in A Nightmare on Elm Street! Gotta love that stuff. Always cracks me up, especially Clooney. That movie is so bad.

10:11 a.m.: E! looks at recreation of some dresses from the past year. Amy Adams' dress from Enchanted and yes, the green dress of Keira Knightley from Atonement. Oh God, that's hot.

10:13 a.m.: Couples to look out for. George Clooney and Sarah Larson. Jessica Alba and Cash Warren (Alba is hot, but I actually hate her. I'll explain later.). Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley is another. I forgot that she is presenting tonight.

10:15 a.m.: E! is going to compare Britney Spears to Edith Piaf later today. I can't wait for that mess. I would be pissed if I was Edith Piaf's family. Spears isn't even on the same level.

10:19 a.m.: What the hell is E! making? Popcorn? Marshmallows? M&M's? I wonder what that tastes like?

10:22 a.m.: Tom O'Neil is reporting of buzz building for Marion Cotillard upsetting. The last couple days I've been saying it was real possible. Her performance is superior to Christie and if people watch it, how can you not vote for it? Not going to change my pick, but an upset could be brewing.

10:26 a.m.: Red carpet march of the penguins! Yes! I love Penguins. Actually, not really, but it's the cool thing to say.

10:28 a.m.: I can't decide whether Sarah Polley is cute. She's not sexy, but she has this look to her. She's real, I guess and I like that.

10:30 a.m.: E! just showed off this 60s inspired hairdo and it's hot. Then again, I love the 60s look. Plus, the model is hot. They just made my day. A modern Audrey Hepburn is next. Oh God, this is too much to handle for me. It's like they know I'm the only person watching E! right now and they are catering to me.

10:34 a.m.: How old is Phil Collins daughter, Lily? She is like five feet tall and looks like a kid. Why are they talking about Miley Cyrus? No one cares.

10:39 a.m.: I just realized I have drank like a pot of coffee. I'm supercharged and ready to go all day. I've never felt better as a blogger. I'm on top of my game, so expect the post of a lifetime. This is a day that will go down in Spaghetti Sauce and Sweet Peas' history.

10:40 a.m.: E! is comparing Britney and Edith Piaf. Not going to lie. It's a stretch. They showed their pictures next to each other and tried to convince us they look alike. Still, don't see it.

10:45 a.m.: Kim Kardashian again! No! They are having the stage manager match up dresses and shoes with their celebrity designer. What the hell is E! thinking? This is a disaster. The guy is smelling the shoes. Did you know that Kim Kardashian is not a designer yet? Oh, that's too bad. My day has been ruined. This is the worst segment ever. This is part of the reason why E! shouldn't cover the Oscars all day. They need filler and waste our time with this garbage. E! gives Tom the stage manager an A+ for effort. Kim is not going away. She'll be here all day. Fuck!

10:46 a.m.: Debbie Matenopoulos is trying to strip some guy on television. Things are falling apart.

10:52 a.m.: E! looks at the international stars nominated for Oscars. It's good to know Canadiens can act. I thought they were only good at hockey.

10:53 a.m.: That guy that Debbie was stripping was none other than All My Children star, Cameron Mathison. I guess this is to appease the female viewers. He's currently surrounded by women and they are all over him. Now, they are kissing him on the cheek.

10:57 a.m.: I think I'm going to go in the shower and put on my "tuxedo". I don't feel right blogging all day in a bathrobe. It's not appropriate for the Oscars.

11:07 a.m.: I'm back. Did I miss anything? Just so you know who I'm be wearing tonight. For my t-shirt I'm going with my orange Boogie Nights shirt (good luck charm for P.T. Anderson?). I'm wearing black socks and black button up pants (workout pants). Yeah...

11:09 a.m.: There's a red carpet cook-off going on. And, no! I came back for the Kardashian sisters segment. I took a shower at the wrong time. What the fuck is Kloe wearing? She looks like a hooker.

11:16 a.m.: Debbie and Amanda Luttrell Garrigus show off some handbags. Wow, I feel so enlightened. Who the hell pays to rent bags for the day or week? Only in Hollywood.

11:22 a.m.: All this food is getting me hungry. I don't know when it will be, but one day I'm going to host an Oscar party with food and prizes.

11:26 a.m.: Ben Stone discusses Oscar math. Makes fun of Eddie Murphy last year and how he was a crybaby. Makes a good point about how Best Picture winner's box office has decreased in the last couple years.

11:29 a.m.: Did you know that Jared Fogle from Subway is celebrating ten years of being thin due to the Subway diet? Has nothing to do with the Oscars, but E! keeps showing that commercial. I thought I would share.

11:33 a.m.: The model with the hair styles is back. This time it's the Audrey Hepburn look. Hot bangs. They talk about how bangs make you look younger. Yes, bangs are in style this year. I can't wait to see that on the red carpet. The Elizabeth Taylor look is next.

11:44 a.m.: Kim is here again. This really needs to stop.

11:51 a.m.: Oh my God! It's Barbie on the red carpet.

11:56 a.m.: I've officially overdosed on Kim Kardashian. She now is judging the cook-off with Ben Stone. There Will Be Blood appetizer? These appetizers are ridiculously small. I guess it's all about presentation. These food segments are always stupid. Who the hell is going to cook any of this stuff for an Oscar party? It's too complicated. Show us some food I can cook.

11:58 a.m.: It's the seven deadly sins displayed in this year's films. How exciting?

12:03 p.m.: About three hours away from the red carpet. Been blogging for three hours. Damn, time is flying. On a side note, Kim is back to tell us about diamonds.

12:06 p.m.: It has been revealed that Kim's favorite thong is Hanky Panky. Debbie also wears a thong. That's useful information. I hope Reggie Bush is watching this. It's good to know what kind of thong your girlfriend prefers. Ben Stone is the luckiest man alive right now. He is surrounded by three stunning models in thongs.

12:21 p.m.: I'm going to head out and get something to eat before things really pick up. Probably be be in 20 minutes. Hopefully, I'll miss a segment with Kim.

12:42 p.m.: I'm back. I come back to Ben Stone and the Olly Girls giving their picks. Who the hell are the Olly Girls? They are talking like two idiots (to put it bluntly). This segment is painful. Their favorite films are Transformers and Superbad. From that segment, I have concluded that the Olly Girls may be the dumbest two people on the planet.

12:47 p.m.: Kim Alert! I think she is on pace to set the record for most appearances on a preshow for no good reason.

1:00 p.m.: Should be two hours away from the Red Carpet. I wonder what Ryan Seacrest is going to wear?

1:14 p.m.: The hairdo model is back. Going with Hollywood glamour look. Not bad, but the other two styles look better. Still hot, though. The last style will be Grace Kelly inspired. Can't wait.

1:33 p.m.: You can feel we're getting close. It isn't raining right now, so the red carpet should be good. It was lightly raining for a little earlier this morning, but it looks to be done (I think).

1:38 p.m.: Not sure if this is a good idea, but I'm drinking a bottle of Yellow Tail Pinot Noir. I going to spread it out, so I hopefully won't get too drunk. We'll find out, so if I write something stupid throughout the rest of the day I have given you a disclaimer.

1:44 p.m.: E! just showed a funny video with two guys singing about the Best Actor race to the tune of Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches.

1:58 p.m.: Stuckey and Murray just did their second video. This one was for Best Actress. The songs are really clever.

2:00 p.m.: T-minus one hour to the red carpet.

2:02 p.m.: Tom O'Neil has posted something really interesting to consider. Ruby Dee will officially be the shortest role ever awarded if she wins tonight. She is onscreen for a total of 4 minutes, 36 seconds. The shortest winner ever is Beatrice Straight for Network. Her screen time was 6 minutes, 1 second. These times are according to Tom O'Neil. They may be off by a couple seconds. Not going to lie, I'm a little worried about Dee.

2:20 p.m.: The hairdo model is back. Not bad. This is how I would rank the hair styles. The first one was the best. Followed by the second one. The fourth one was next and the third one was my least favorite. I'm going to miss that girl.

2:28 p.m.: E! is giving a really good fashion show with some hot models. They just showed this bra with a back to it. They are showing off some risque clothing. I'm getting excited.

2:33 p.m.: I swear E! has been saying the red carpet is only minutes away for the last two hours. It's getting annoying.

2:45 p.m.: The red carpet can't come soon enough. I've officially overdosed on Oscar style and fashion. 15 minutes away from Seacrest.

2:50 p.m.: Kim makes her 100th appearance on the pre-show. Thank God the red carpet is ten minutes away. I can't take this anymore.

3:00 p.m.: Oh my God! It's Ryan Seacrest (screaming)!

3:04 p.m.: Giuliana Rancic talks to Jon Stewart. We're getting closer. Stars should be arriving before we know it.

3:24 p.m.: It's Seal and Heidi Klum. The first couple E! has interview on the red carpet. And let's be honest, one of the oddest couples in Hollywood. The stars are starting to come in. I won't be able to keep up with everyone, so I'll pick my favorite moments. Seal's favorite movie was Into the Wild. Rumor is George Clooney is in the house! Oh my God I"m so excited!

3:28 p.m.: ABC is also on right now, but I'm sticking to E! until 5:00 p.m. I find ABC to be rather boring.

3:31 p.m.: Ben Lyons is calling Marion Cotillard a lock? What? Not saying it's not possible, but he's putting it in the same category as Day-Lewis and Bardem. Completely disagree with what he just said.

3:40 p.m.: Red carpet is getting really full. Too many stars to name.

3:45 p.m.: Seacrest is interviewing George Clooney. And yes, Sarah Larson is with him.

3:48 p.m.: Jason Bateman talks about an Arrested Development movie with Seacrest.

3:57 p.m.: I can't get over Saiorse Ronan's accent. Doesn't sound anything like she did in Atonement.

4:04 p.m.: Seacrest is showing off the Patrick Dempsey doll. It looks like a piece of shit.

4:06 p.m.: It's The Rock! Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'?

4:09 p.m.: It's Amy Adams. Looking fine as ever. She even has an Enchanted doll.

4:10 p.m.: Daniel Day-Lewis has entered the building.

4:18 p.m.: I think Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner are in a lesbian relationship. They just had a very private conversation on the red carpet.

4:20 p.m.: I love how the red carpet is just a love fest. Gary Busey is trying to hook up with Garner and Linney. It's chaotic. And here we are, Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill look like twins. It's a little creepy.

4:21 p.m.: Miley Cyrus is here. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

4:25 p.m.: Cyrus does not have a boyfriend. Oh, that's too bad.

4:27 p.m.: Keri Russell is here. I wonder if she made any pies? Because I'm hungry. Javier Bardem is here and where the hell is Penelope Cruz?

4:34 p.m.: Is Jessica Alba hot? Yes. Do I dislike her? Yes. Why? It starts with her mockery of a John Lennon picture. Seacrest just asked whether Alba is going to breasfeed? What the fuck?

4:36 p.m.: Tilda Swinton looks really scary.

4:38 p.m.: I just finished that bottle of Pinot Noir. Yes, I'm officially drunk. Should be a great show. And Marion Cotillard is here. Wow, what a fox? I'm in love with her.

4:42 p.m.: I don't think I've ever had so much fun covering the Oscars. This is red carpet is ridiculous. Still miss Joan Rivers, but Seacrest is solid.

4:51 p.m.: Casey Affleck is here! I forgot his wife is Summer Phoenix.

4:52 p.m.: Hilary Swank is here! Interesting dress. I just realized she is single since she has divorced Chad Lowe.

4:55 p.m.: I drank way too much today. I'm so drunk right now. This is going to be a ridiculous Oscar commentary during the show. I'm so gone. I'm going to regret this.

4:59 p.m.: E! is almost over. I'm be switching to ABC shortly. Katherine Heigl is here and she's by herself. What? Her husband is on tour? I don't know if I buy that. She looks hot though and really, that's all that matters.

5:00 p.m.: Just switched to ABC. E! is done with their coverage. I will head back there after the show. For now, I'm over to ABC's boring coverage. Regis as the host? Give me a break. He's a joke.

5:07 p.m.: Daphne and Tremaine are here and watching the Oscars with me.

5:15 p.m.: Daniel Day-Lewis is being interviewed. He looks great and he looks like a winner.

5:22 p.m.: The guys that count the ballots were just shown.

5:23 p.m.: Ellen Page is here. Not too bad.

5:25 p.m.: I want to know where the fuck is P.T. Anderson?

5:28 p.m.: Xavier Bardem is here according to Regis. It's Javier, Regis.

5:29 p.m.: We're here. It's Oscar time. I'm so excited!

5:33 p.m.: Jon Stewart opens the show with makeup sex.

5:41 p.m.: Solid monologue by Jon Stewart. Very few complaints from me.

5:43 p.m.: Oscars start off with Costume Designer. Fuck! Elizabeth: The Golden Age. If you make a movie set in the 16th century, you will win. Great start to the night...

5:45 p.m.: Second straight year with a shocker with Costume Design. Second straight year with a film that was panned that was awarded the Oscar.

5:49 p.m.: I just tried to drink the wine without taking the cap off. This is a bad start to the night.

5:51 p.m.: Watching the Oscar highlights is inspiring.

5:54 p.m.: Best Animated Feature is next. The winner is Ratatouille!

5:57 p.m.: Best Makeup is next. The winner is La Vie en Rose!

6:00 p.m.: Amy Adams singing Happy Working Song!

6:02 p.m.: Tremaine loved that performance. It was okay according to me.

6:09 p.m.: Do yo smell what The Rock is cookin'? Visual effects is next. The Golden Compass wins. Wow!

6:10 p.m.: Tremaine loved that performance. It was okay according to me.

6:12 p.m.: Art Direction is next. Come on Jack Fisk. Wow! Danete Ferretti won with Sweeney Todd! I should give up now.

6:18 p.m.: Best Supporting Actor is next. Javier Bardem wins!

6:24 p.m.: I have three wins and thee losses. I've failed as an Oscar blogger..

6:30 p.m.: Best short film - live action is next. Yes! Mozart of Pickpockets!

6:33 p.m.: Peter & the Wolf wins Best Animiated Short!

6:39 p.m.: Best Supporting Actress is next. Come on Ruby Dee. Sad day in filmmaking as Tilda Swinton wins. She deserves it though.

6:44 p.m.: Jessica Alba announces the Science Tehnical Awards!

6:48 p.m.: The Coens win Adapted Screenplay.

6:53 p.m.: Miley Cyrus presents "That's How You Know".

6:57 p.m.: Somewhat lame "That's How You Know". Where is "Falling Slowly"?

7:05 p.m.: What a disgrace. The Bourne Ultimatum wins Best Sound Editing. I don't think the Transformers will win anything after this.

7:08 p.m.: Wow! Transformers win nothing and Kevin O'Connell goes to 0/20 and Greg Russell goes 0/12.

7:13 p.m.: Best Actress is next. Julie Christie or Marion Cotillard? Marion Cotillard wins! I"m happy for her, but sadly I picked Christie.

7:19 p.m.: I fucking love this song. "Falling Slowly"...

7:27 p.m.: Iconic look at the previous Best Picture winners.

7:29 p.m.: Best Editing is next. The Bourne Ultimatum wins three Oscars tonight. I'm speechless.

7:44 p.m.: The Countfeiters win Best Foreign Language Film.

7:50 p.m.: Best Original Song is next. "Falling Slowly" wins!'

8:01 p.m.: Best Cinematography is next. Yes, Elswit wins! I'm very happy for him.

8:02 p.m.: In Memoriam...

8:05 p.m.: Best Score is next. Atonement wins.

8:24 p.m.: Best Screenplay is next. Juno wins.

8:28 p.m.: Three awards to go. Best Actor, Director, and Picture. Any surprises left?

8:34 p.m.: Best Actor is next. Be shocked if DDL doesn't win. Day-Lewis wins!

8:38 p.m.: Not going to lie. I've had my worst year ever. This was a tough year. I'll have my stats after the show. Two awards to go. My max score will be 15.

8:43 p.m.: Come on Paul. I don't care anymore. Win for me. Marty is going to announce Best Director. Coens win Best Director.

8:44 p.m.: Denzel Washington will give out Best Picture. Will there will be an upset? No Country wins. Yippee (sarcastic)!

8:48 p.m.: The Oscars are over. I'll have my reaction shortly. It looks like I went 15/24. Not going to lie, a little disappointed.

9:15 p.m.: Currently calculating the Oscar Contest. I'll have some initial reactions shortly.


IncrediBlack said...

Michael Cersosimo, I am impressed. Seriously. Wow... You did it. I was honored to be there, along with Dapne, for a rather fun and exciting event. Not so much The Oscars itself, but what you and your blogging brought to viewing it. Maybe it's cuz of you, but that was one of the better Oscars I've seen. Congratulations.

Oh, plug in the fridge.

Trisha said...

Incrediblack, you are a disgrace. Her name is Daphne. You piece of shit.

Anyway, Mr. Filmmaker, great job covering the show. I really enjoyed the minute by minute commentary. Great job with the wine. SWIG!!!!!!!!!!

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